The problem lies in your ability or inability to curtail your anxiety about not being loved and accepted. Do you, for example, tend to choose people who later turn out to be mean, insensitive or impossible—even though you didn’t see this behavior?
When you lead with these negative feelings that are associated with a negative self-view, you automatically put yourself on a love course that could skid out of control. What if you end up hurt, dumped and disillusioned—and then wall up your heart so much that you don’t put yourself out there again for love until loneliness and fear intensify to the point that you are at risk for making yet another wrong love choice? When you know your automatic attraction valence, then you can get more diligent about looking for these signs and hints in your date.
Haven’t you watched enough stories on Dateline or 48 Hours to know how easily people hide their worst and often dangerous behavior?
Oh, and I hope you didn’t fall for other messages that are floating around out there about having sex too soon: “If you feel it, do it.” Or, “If I feel it, it must be right.” Really–you’re going to act on an impulse that grew from, probably, mostly words rather than behavior over a course of time?
But don’t worry if you’ve already had sex and now have doubts or regrets. Reveal something about you that you are not sure someone would accept.
You can always dial back the relationship and tell him or her that you want to slow things down. A quick list includes: Continue to hang out with each of your friends. Now is the time to drop some more of your guardedness.
Firstly, they won’t take you seriously with much else. This is the big question we have to ask ourselves when we consider implementing this rule. We know by now that it definitely does since it’s highly popular.