Mental attitude is all important, the bull is normally expected to take charge of proceedings. Yes but with important differences, whereas normally the guest male might take an equal or subordinate role to the husband, in a cuckold setting the husband takes the subordinate role to the extent that he might have no involvement and certainly none unless invited.
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The term "bull" denotes his superior sexual prowess.
Many people dislike the term and "lover", "boyfriend", "stud" and "guest male" are often used instead.
She may suspect his desire to involve a third party man is an indication of homosexual leanings.